Cognitive distortions and what we can do about them

Cognitive distortions are inaccurate or unhelpful patterns of thinking that can significantly impact our emotions, behaviors, and relationships. They often feel very real and convincing, even when they aren’t fully accurate. The tricky part? Most of us don’t realize we’re engaging in them, we simply experience the emotional fallout.

These thinking patterns were identified and studied by Aaron Beck and David Burns and are commonly addressed in therapy, particularly Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Below are ten of the most common cognitive distortions, along with gentle examples you may recognize in yourself.

Common Cognitive Distortions

1. All-or-Nothing Thinking (Black-and-White Thinking)

This distortion leaves very little room for nuance or “gray areas.” Things are either perfect or a complete failure.

For example, getting an 80 on a test may feel the same as failing. This type of thinking often fuels perfectionism and can make it hard to acknowledge effort, growth, or progress. Developing mental flexibility is key to moving away from this pattern.

2. Overgeneralization

This happens when we take one or two experiences and apply them broadly, as if they define us or will always happen.

For example, forgetting to feed the baby on time and thinking, “I’m such a bad mom.” One moment turns into a sweeping statement about who you are. Overgeneralization can be especially painful for parents and caregivers.

3. Mental Filter

With this distortion, we focus exclusively on one negative detail while filtering out everything else.

For example, if your partner forgets to respond to a text one time, you might jump to the conclusion that the relationship is doomed or that they don’t care. This pattern can lead to a very negative worldview and ongoing anxiety in relationships.

4. Disqualifying the Positive

This is the opposite of what it sounds like, it’s when positive experiences are dismissed, minimized, or explained away.

For example, a friend tells you how wonderfully you planned a surprise party, but you assume they’re just being nice or don’t want to hurt your feelings. Over time, this distortion makes it hard to internalize praise or feel proud of yourself.

5. Jumping to Conclusions

Mind Reading

This occurs when we assume we know what others are thinking without any real evidence.

For example, if you’re out to dinner and someone makes a face, you might assume it’s because they don’t like you or think you said something wrong, even though there could be countless other explanations.

Fortune Telling

This is when we predict a negative future outcome as if it’s a fact.

For example, assuming you won’t get a job you’re applying for, even though you’ve never been rejected before. This happens when fears are mistaken for evidence.

6. Magnification and Minimization

This distortion involves exaggerating the importance of negative events or minimizing positive ones.

Someone who magnifies might make a small mistake on a group project and believe they’re a terrible teammate. Someone who minimizes might receive a promotion at work but still feel like a bad employee. Both patterns distort reality in unhelpful ways.

7. Emotional Reasoning

This is the belief that emotions equal facts.

For example, “I feel scared, so something bad must be about to happen,” or “My partner feels distant, so they must be having an affair.” While emotions are important signals, they are not proof. Acting on emotional reasoning can lead to unnecessary conflict, anxiety, and mistrust.

8. “Should” Statements

Thoughts filled with shoulds and musts often create guilt, pressure, and resentment.

Examples include:

• “I should call my mom today.”

• “I must do something special for my boss’s birthday.”

• “My partner should have taken out the trash.”

When these expectations aren’t met, they often lead to self-criticism or resentment toward others. Letting go of rigid “shoulds” can be incredibly freeing.

9. Labeling and Mislabeling

This is an extreme form of overgeneralization where we attach harsh labels to ourselves or others.

For example, holding the door open for someone who doesn’t say thank you and thinking, “That person is a jerk.” Labeling uses inaccurate, emotionally charged language that ignores context and complexity.

10. Personalization

Personalization happens when you assume responsibility for things that aren’t actually your fault.

For example, if your partner comes home from work in a bad mood and you assume it’s because you didn’t have dinner ready or that you did something wrong. This distortion often leads to self-doubt, anxiety, and feeling overly responsible for others’ emotions.

What Can We Do About Cognitive Distortions?

The good news is that therapy offers many tools to help identify and challenge these thinking patterns.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

Putting Your Thoughts on Trial

This CBT exercise helps you evaluate whether a thought is actually supported by evidence.

Identify the thought:
“My partner doesn’t love me.”

The Defense (evidence supporting the thought):

• They didn’t say goodbye before work

• They didn’t remember my usual UberEATS order

The Prosecution (evidence against the thought):

• They’ve never said they don’t love me

• They regularly say “I love you”

• They initiate physical affection

The Verdict:
The prosecution wins.
The thought can shift from “My partner doesn’t love me” to “My partner does love me, even if they were distracted this morning.”

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)

Being Mindful With Emotional Distress

Name the emotion:
Fear that your partner doesn’t love you

Judgment:
“They didn’t say goodbye because they don’t care.”

Mindfulness (facts and body awareness):

• Emotion: fear

• Body sensations: tight chest, restless energy

• Facts: They were running late for work and hurried out

Identify the distortions:

• Mind reading

• Emotional reasoning

DBT helps you slow down and respond thoughtfully instead of reacting automatically.

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

EMDR focuses on reprocessing past experiences or traumas that are linked to negative beliefs, also called negative cognitions.

Common negative cognitions include:

• “I’m unlovable”

• “There’s something wrong with me”

• “I’m not safe”

If you hold a belief like “I’m unlovable,” it becomes much easier to fall into many of the cognitive distortions listed above. EMDR works to reduce the emotional charge tied to these beliefs, making healthier thoughts more accessible.

Final Thoughts

Cognitive distortions are incredibly common and very human. Becoming aware of them is the first step toward changing how they impact your life, relationships, and self-esteem.

Therapy can help you gently identify these patterns, challenge them, and replace them with more balanced and compassionate ways of thinking. If any part of this resonated with you and you’d like to learn more or if you’re ready to take the next step toward healing and growth, I’d love to support you.

Please feel free to reach out to schedule a consultation. You don’t have to navigate this alone.